How To Sustain a Meaningful and Consistent Relationship With Your Children After Divorce

By  //  October 29, 2021

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Divorce is a difficult and emotional process for everyone, but it can be especially hard on your children. You might not realize how deeply they are affected by the changes in their lives until you see them struggling to make sense of everything that’s happened.

That’s why keeping them grounded during this time is so important, it will help them cope with what has changed and feel more secure about themselves. In this article, we are going to talk about a few ways you can help your children through this difficult time.

Take Time To Listen

Don’t push kids to talk about their feelings or make them feel like they have to hide some of the emotions they are experiencing. This is a very hard time for them, and even if they don’t fully understand all the changes they’re going through, it is important that you show them that their feelings and emotions are valid and okay.

It’s also important to know how to talk with them about their emotions in a way they can understand.

For example, if your child comes home from school crying, don’t immediately ask why or push for an answer. Sit with them and ask them what’s wrong, and let them talk and share their feelings.

Be careful not to drift away from the subject they want to talk about, try to avoid talking about things like how you couldn’t find a good child custody lawyer in North Carolina or any other divorce-related subjects that might be worrying you. If they don’t give you a clear answer, try to get to the root of the problem by asking questions like, “has someone been mean to you?” or “did something go wrong at school?” Don’t be afraid to tell them that you understand how they are feeling, but reassure them that everything will be okay.

Help Them Understand The Change

Let kids know they are not to blame for the divorce and that it is not their fault. If you already know your children are aware of what’s going on, the first thing you need to do is let them know this change won’t last forever.

For a younger child, a simple explanation of how long a divorce can take might be enough to ease their anxiety and uncertainty. However, you’ll need to tell an older child more about the process. This is one of those times when being honest with your children is important so they don’t have false expectations or misunderstandings.

It’s also important that you don’t try to make them feel better by telling them things like, “It will all work out in the end,” because it may not. Discuss the steps of the divorce process with them and lay out what is most likely going to happen in their lives.

Continue To Show Them Affection

It’s important to show your children they are still loved. Even though you’re no longer married, it doesn’t mean you stop caring about each other or your child. They might not be seeing both parents every day anymore but that doesn’t mean the love is gone, you both still care very much for them, even if it’s just as friends.

Although, some children may feel like they are betraying one parent by continuing to show affection towards the other. If that is the case, talk to your kids about this and explain that both parents still love them and want what’s best for them. You can also remind them of all the good times you had together as a family and the happy memories you have.

Keep Them Involved In Your Lives

This is an important time to keep your children involved in everything that is going on with the family. If they are not staying with either parent, then talk with them on a daily basis if possible, letting them know what is going on in each of your lives and the new things they are experiencing.

The more you keep them involved, the less likely they will feel like an outsider who is left out of their family’s life. Try to include them in as many activities as possible and make sure to tell them about important events with both parents’ families. If your child is staying with one parent most of the time, it is important to schedule times for the other parent to spend time with them.

Maintain A Healthy Relationship With Your Child’s Other Parent

Although you may not be in a relationship anymore, this does not mean you have to cut ties completely. You still have a child together and that will never change. Try your hardest to be civil about everything and work on building a more cordial relationship with your ex.

If you are able to get along, make sure you remind your child of this too. Let your children know that you both still love them very much and that it’s important for everyone to get along. They might not be old enough yet to understand that one day you will be friends again, but continue to stress that more than anything you and your ex still love them and want the best for them.

The divorce process is a difficult time for parents and their children. It’s important to remember that despite any strains on your relationship, you still want the best for them. That means being honest about what they can expect from this change in order to keep it as painless as possible. Make sure you continue showing affection towards them and including them in all aspects of family life, even if they are not living with either parent. 

And finally, try hard to maintain a healthy relationship with your ex so that both of you have an opportunity to love your child beyond just one day at a time when she becomes old enough to understand the importance of maintaining ties between divorced parents or guardians.