Why Do Couples That Love Each Other Argue So Much?
By Space Coast Daily // November 9, 2021
Managing conflict is part of being in a relationship. Sometimes people who love each other argue for reasons like they never talked about their relationship status or they aren’t sure how to make their partner happy. If you’re in this kind of argument, it can be hard to tell whether you’re right or your partner is.
It may be difficult for one person to take the other’s perspective and recognize that he or she is in the wrong. But there are more things that many couples battle over these days: use of social media, partying habits, and, well, just how to spend each other’s spare time.
In a healthy relationship, each person can tolerate the other’s occasional flaws, the two people communicate openly and respectfully, each person respects the others’ need for time alone, and each person accepts that his or her partner may have opinions even if they conflict with his own.
And if the relationships somehow suffer, both people can ‘reject’ the other and grow stronger. But many unhappy couples argue despite the love they share, arguing even after they have decided it’s time to move on.
It may seem that there are no reasons for them to fight anymore. The truth is that every argument has a reason, even if it seems senseless at first. Here are five kinds of arguments that happen in everyday relationships.
Arguments Can Be A Good Thing Between Couples
It can be hard to understand why some couples argue, and others avoid conflict, and it’s tough to know when and if arguments are actually a good thing in relationships. But we’re here to dispel the myth that arguments are always bad. It can actually be a very healthy part of a relationship.
Rumour has it that the best couples never fight, but that just isn’t possible. There are times when conflict can lead to deeper, more meaningful conversations and help resolve issues that would otherwise remain unaddressed. It’s just a matter of how you handle that conflict. Arguments are an essential part of relationships. It helps us learn about our partner’s needs, preferences, and dislikes.
The problem with a lot of couples is that they come to depend on conflict, so they have a hard time dealing with it when it does occur.
Here’s a list of reasons why you should fight and how to do so constructively.
1. It’s the only way to learn about your partner
Just because you’re in a relationship doesn’t mean you know everything about your partner. That’s what arguments are for. Arguments are an opportunity to talk about how you feel, what’s challenging you, and what you want from your relationship.
Of course, you shouldn’t fight about finances or whether or not your partner should change their shirt or any other issue that doesn’t matter, but if there are issues that do matter, they’re usually best resolved through conflict. It’s okay to disagree about things that matter.
But an argument isn’t about who is right or wrong, and it’s about how you communicate with each other. Learn to fight the right way by fighting fair.
2. It builds confidence
Conflict can also build confidence in relationships. When you can look at your partner and say, “I told you so,” it makes you feel good because you’re right, but if your partner feels just as strongly on the other side of the argument, then both of you will feel good when things don’t go your way, too.
The only problem is that a lot of couples don’t know how to fight the right way, which leads to arguments that can be detrimental to their relationship. Do you feel that your marriage is in need of help? Marrying the person that you love should be one of the happiest moments in life.
However, it may be hard to maintain this if your relationship has gone off the rails. There are many positive ways couples can keep their marriages strong, but it often requires time and commitment on both sides. If you find yourself struggling with your marriage, consider marriage counselling to see a solution for your couple.
3. It’s a great way to resolve larger issues
Some arguments are about pretty small things, but you also have larger issues that are more difficult to resolve without conflict. If you argue in private, you may never see how the smaller issue is related to the larger problem.
What you’ll find is that the same issues keep coming up over and over again because you haven’t addressed what’s really bothering your partner. You can talk about what’s frustrating, hurtful, or irritating without being hurtful yourself.
4. Listen, and ask your partner for clarification after arguments.
When the time comes to sit down and talk about solving conflicts, clinical psychologist Deborah Grody says the most important thing couples can do is to listen without interrupting. This can be more challenging than it seems. It can also help couples separate concerns from needs when they are trying to find common ground on a particular issue.
This can be difficult for both positive and negative reasons. Positively, the hard work of knowing each other, building trust, and communicating effectively with each other is already done. Negatively, the relationship feels more stable than before, so couples may assume they are no longer driving toward growth or change.
Therefore, apparent conflict can seem like an issue that should be resolved as quickly as possible. Couples must learn to be open-minded and willing to explore the apparent conflict. The most important step in this process is to stop telling each other what they want to hear. When there is disagreement, it is important to talk about it, but not at the expense of hurting one’s own feelings or making the other person feel bad.