BCSO K-9 ‘Raygun’ Helps Nab Suspect Running From Deputies

By  //  July 25, 2023

suspect identified as Curtis Zopp

BREVARD COUNTY, FLORIDA – So here I was yesterday morning minding my own business while trying to get some beauty sleep in the back seat of my “Uber Driver,” K-9 Corporal Brian Fritz’s patrol car, when all of a sudden he decides to turn on the blue lights and start racing to a violent crime where some guy named Curtis Zopp decided to run after he did something really stupid.

Now while you may think that being the only female Patrol Dog in the Brevard County Sheriff’s Office is easy work, having to put up with Fritz and all of the other male egos in the K-9 Unit is exhausting, as they never listen to anyone.

For example, Fritz is driving like a crazy man and I’m yelling at him from the back seat to slow down, quit turning the corner so sharply, and above all else…use his turn signals.

I swear, that boy drives me insane as he gets lost on the way to the call and then absolutely refuses to stop and ask for directions, or even worse, use the GPS because it talks to him in a woman’s voice.

So here we go, sliding around a corner with my front paws pressed against the floorboard and me yelling “stop he is right there coming out of the woods!!” Of course, ole’ Fritzy boy says “that’s not him” to which I reply “oh your right, its just some guy running down the road that perfectly matches the description of the suspect.”

Thankfully, at this point, Fritz stops the car and acts like he is gonna chase the guy himself. Trust me when I tell you, Fritz ain’t chasing no one down as all he does on his days off is sit in the recliner, eat Cheetos, and lick his cheesy fingers instead of using a napkin.

The closest he has come to being in a foot race was sitting on the toilet for hours until his legs fell asleep watching Facebook Reels of Olympic athletes, so he ain’t catching anyone!!

Finally after acting like he pulled a hamstring, he comes back to the car, pops open my door, and hooks the intelligent end of the leash to my rhinestone collar, like I actually need his help in knowing where to go.

As I jump out of the truck I tell Fritz “I don’t need your help, I can do it myself!” Fritz says “I was just trying to help and now is not the time to argue as we can talk about this later” to which I reply “I don’t need you to fix everything Fritz, I just wanted to tell you how I felt.”

So anyway, after Fritz temporarily lost sight of the guy when he jumped a fence, other units came to the area and set up a perimeter so I could start running this guys track.

As I start following the guy’s tracks, I lead Fritz and his backup Deputy, Shawn Hanigan, to an area off of Bronco Drive where I can clearly see the guy hiding in the bushes under some thick vines!!

I tell Fritz “hey Inspector Clouseau, he’s right there hiding in the bushes, just crawl up in those vines and get him!!”

Of course, Fritz is like “Where? I don’t see him, are you sure” while Hanigan is looking up in the sky like the guy all of a sudden learned to fly!! Feeling just so frustrated I said “for Pete’s sake, never mind I’ll do it myself” as I belly crawl through the vines and bite the guy in the arm for making me chase him and then crawl through some vines getting my fur all dirty!!

Of course he starts yelling so I tell him…”stop crying like a little baby, I didn’t bite you that hard, you’re not hurt that bad!!”

Of course, at this point Fritz and Hooligan or Hanigan or whatever his partner’s name is, actually grab him and pull him out of the bushes and then go walking back to the patrol car with their chests all poked out, like they actually did something!!

As we get near the patrol car all of the other Deputies are high-fiving them and saying “great job guys, you got him!!” Really? You two couldn’t track a bleeding elephant in the snow but yeah you got him!! As I look at Fritz and start to give him “that look” he gives me a chew toy and says in a high pitched voice “good girl!!” Don’t you patronize me Fritz as when we get home you’ll regret it!!

I swear, if I had thumbs, I could drive my damn self, open my own door, and type a report, so I wouldn’t need this man at all!!
Oh well, back to work on the next case!!

– K-9 Raygun aka “Yes Ma’am”